Hendak Ku nangis .... Tiada .... Ber airmata

Hmmm .... Like I have told before ... I have to temporarily forget about being a teacher. Actually I know the result few months back when my friend Mas who is working in MOHE told me my name is not listed. At that time I was OK and was very positive that it is not the time yet for me to leave corporate world muahahaha!!. But tonite, when I saw the result myself, hmmmm.. I couldnt lie to myself ... that deep inside, I am very frustrated with the result. It is 12 midnite and hubby is sleeping so here I am, alone, upset, and the fact that I am in my 2nd day of the month doesn't help. My mood is pretty fragile since yesterday. *sigh


Actually, its not about i hv to let go my ambition that frustrating me, but it is because the fact that I am not sucessful in the application that make me upset. Get it? The frustration came after I see the above result, whereas before that I have already informed that i am not successful. Ish, so diffficult to explain in english kan? maklum le direct translation huhuhu .. camni, aku x kisah tak dpt jadik cikgu, coz aku pun actually ragu2 ngan diri aku about nak ngajo pendidikan seni or even Biology. Aku lebih kepada frust sbb ada tulisan tak berjaya kat slip atas tuh .. It is sooo demotivating occayyy! its like i am a failure gitu ... its the same feeling I had about almost 14 years back when I saw my SPM result. Sedih mencengkam dikalbu ... tanpa dipaksa2 ... hatiku menyanyi lagu yg kujadikan tajuk di atas.... tapi first line aje relevan .. lepas tuh dah tak relevan ...


And I am not sure whether I should try for next year's intake. Still rasa lemah je ni ...


till then ....